Letters From Aunt Michelle

Let God Handle The Heavy Stuff

Dear Nieces & Nephews, Images of you have been filling my mind this morning. You’re going through so much. I want to be with you in it. But lives have put physical distance between us, along with the invisible barriers that come with full homes and schedules ... only to be crossed at special events and chance encounters at Costco. I sure do want this to change. Being with each other really is a very big deal. It’s the substance of relationship. Jesus wanted his disciples with him when he was entering his darkest hour. He brought them to Gethsemane with him. When he told them he was overwhelmed with grief and sorrow to the point of death (pretty vulnerable), it’s remarkable that they fell asleep on him. It’s not like He had a victim mentality and talked that way all the time. “I want someone with me in my pain,” is central to the human heart, and I believe mirrors God’s. Yet how often do we sleep through our loved ones’ pain? Or defend ourselves in it? Or analyze it? Or devalue it by trying to rationalize it away? Yesterday was the portion of Resurrection Weekend that experiences Jesus’ pain with him, that watches and prays with him, that doesn’t try to explain anything away or fix anything, but just stays with Him. I'm going to give it another day. What does that MEAN for me today, Lord? What does it LOOK like? Watch and pray f or WHAT? There are no soldiers for me to watch for. Perhaps I am just to watch. ??? Why is this so hard? I want to know what to watch for. And I want to know what to do when I see it. But you haven’t told me that yet. And if I try to prepare for it, I’ll bring along a sword and cut off someone’s ear, or something equally rash. JUST WATCH. AND PRAY. AND BE WITH HIM. Be with Him in His pain. Be with my family members in their pain. Don’t try to fix anything. Don’t defend myself. Don’t analyze it or assign blame. JUST WATCH. AND PRAY. AND BE WITH THEM. And remember. I didn’t prepare for this at all, but I’m going to set up our kitchen island with the closest thing I have to bread and wine, and serve a day-long communion. I'm going to remember what my Savior did for me as I watch and pray, and invite Uncle Kerry and your cousins to do it with me. And I'll be remembering YOU, my nieces and nephews. Maybe I can’t be with you, but I remember you. I am praying for you. And I am watching for any points of reconnection. All my love, Aunt Michelle

Dear Nieces & Nephews, We moms put a lot of thought into making sure our kids know enough. Especially when we’re homeschooling, it can become all-consuming. Everything runs through the filter of, “Do my kids need to know this?” or, “How can I help them understand that?” “Will they survive without knowing that thing they have no interest in?” becomes more prevalent as they get into their upper high school years. We know their bents and their battles and choose carefully. Frankly, we'd all do well to apply the same strategy. Maybe it’s time we slacken the line of fear over all we don’t know, and just embrace what life is teaching us in the moment. Especially the hard things. Go ahead and marinate. It’s a lot more effective than a thousand pings of slight recognition from a text book. Thaddeus and Kieran have taught me more about learning from the nitty gritty of life than anyone else. I used to call them our “Dopternal Twins” (twins through adoption). With just two months separating them, they became a formidable duo that took the world by storm the day they locked eyes in parallel play and discovered that combining forces could triple the noise and excitement. Synergy. For some reason, they decided early-on the same thing Uncle Terry used to tell me growing up: That everything I know is wrong. Until proven right. Or at least interesting. This made for an interesting dynamic in our homeschool. They learned to read standing on their heads off the back of the couch. Every subject was made as tangible as possible, and stories were woven into everything ... along with lots and lots of life. We began each day with FPT (Family Project Time), ran our home businesses together, and hosted streams of people and events. When the boys were in 5th Grade, we discovered the Madison Area Home Schoolers basketball team. The first time I saw them play on a team, I wept tears of relief as I saw the good that could come out of their dynamic synergy. Not only were they quick, intense and skillful, they also had the kind of connection that left onlookers breathless, passing the ball blind to each other with uncanny precision. Now they’re 18. Graduation is right around the corner. Life has taken a lot of turns and they’re on different paths. They are still learning some things academically, but mostly we are amazed at what life is teaching them. It’s slow and hard and painful, but so much more effective than books full of random facts. Whenever we see them embrace life, we rejoice. Three flat tires in a month? Wow, is he getting good at changing tires! A friend taking advantage of him? He's figuring out the balance of boundaries and forgiveness. Two parking tickets for the same infraction? (Turns out City of Madison and UW Madison parking enforcements have overlapping jurisdiction during state basketball tournaments.) A whole load of life going on in this one! You get the idea. Yes, life can be painful but it’s such a good teacher. I wonder what it’s teaching you today? Embrace it! Love, Aunt Michelle

Reclaim Your Living Room

Celebrating Life

Dear Nieces & Nephews, We had been home schooling your cousins for several years when I decided our days had become too mundane, and “Adventure Days” were born. Once a week, I’d wake everyone up with a mysterious list of items to pack, then we’d drive off into the great unknown. The study desk for the day might be a new library, the top of a bluff, the base of a waterfall, a waterpark in its off-season, a donut shop. Kids had only to trust, follow along and have a great time. Some of them loved these days and still talk about them today. Some chafed and battled. Why? I still ponder my way through the psychology of it. I’d suspect there were two elements at work: pride (“I have better ideas than you; I want to do mine instead.”) and insecurity (“My trust broke when I was a baby and I can’t trust you unless you’re utterly predictable.”) Both demonstrate an insatiable appetite for being in control. And I relate to both. It amazes me how diligent God is in refining the skill set I need to trust Him in each day’s unpredictability. It’s finally dawning on me that the angst in the pit of my stomach won’t dissipate until I let go of my pride and insecurity and stop battling for my own way, which sounds like this: “I want adventure, but it needs to be of MY choosing, in MY timing. I need YOU to be steady and predictable and safe. YOUR job is to (please) make it comfortable and fun, and (please) make sure I look really good to everyone else along the way.” God doesn’t usually go along with requests like this. He loves me too much. He loves YOU too much too. If you feel like you’re drowning today, please learn this alongside me: The very life circumstances that are drowning us can also make us float. The difference is in our response. Lightness and ease will not come from being in control of our own adventure, but in surrendering and trusting the One who loves us so very much. He is trustworthy, even when others haven’t been. Peace will not come when the unpredictable stops. It will come when we learn to float in it. How do we learn this skill? Ask the Holy Spirit for swimming lessons. He will teach you. He will . Just ask. Even if you don’t think you know how to hear His voice, I guarantee He will not give you a snake when you ask for bread. (Matthew 7:9.) He’s the One who knit you together in your mother’s womb. (Psalm 139:13.) He knows every thought before it even enters your mind. (Psalm 139:2.) He certainly knows your language. Pay attention. Make Him your focus, not the circumstances that are making you panic. Then respond. We’re on the adventure of a lifetime together, you and I. Let’s enjoy it! Love, Aunt Michelle

Dear Nieces & Nephews, “Grandpa Dave” has been God’s gift to our family since both sets of grandparents left early for heaven. We don’t live super close, so most of our contact lately has been over the phone, talking about challenges and breakthroughs and what we see God doing through them. Yesterday he told me that while thinking about how dismal the world is looking these days, he was reminded of Newton’s Third Law of Motion: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. “God is getting ready to release an equal and opposite reaction to all that the Enemy has been unleashing,” he said. I had to wrestle through the concept of “equal” when it comes to God and Satan, but eventually it made sense. God’s not wasteful. I think He uses just enough of his bottomless resources to meet each action with its equal reaction. And here’s another scientific truth we see everywhere: When opposite and equal forces collide, there is a burst of ... shall we say ... productivity ? When it’s opposite electrical charges, there is a spark or release of energy; the intensity depends on the magnitude of the charges involved. Varying air temperatures collide to create a storm. (I could go on, but I'll stop before my simplicity brings laughter to the true scientists among you.) That’s where my encouragement for today is coming from. My life has been a fierce, ongoing storm for some time now. (I’ll bet I’m not the only one.) Every day there is either cataclysmic disturbance with flying debris, a respite of sunshine and rainbows, or darkening clouds as another onslaught forms. The main goal of my quiet times is to lift my chin, focus my attention on the Savior, press on, and hold onto peace. Bill Johnson says, “We only have authority over the storms we’ve learned to sleep through.” Jesus has a cushion laid out for me in the bottom of the boat beside Him, and I intend to use it. Then I'll wake up occasionally to watch the lightning display or pull others to safety. This morning I studied all of Newton’s Laws of Motion, and there is a boatload of spiritual truth hiding in all three. I plan to dive deep and learn as much as I can from them about my Creator because the more I grasp how He thinks naturally , the more I’ll understand Him supernaturally . Without this, I’m sure I will sink. With it, I’m in for the ride of my life. Hoping to find you resting there alongside, Aunt Michelle

One of them . I don’t think God said it that way. I imagine the Trinity in a family conference, discussing the plight of their beloved fallen creation, stressing a different word in the phrase. One of them. “I’ll become one of them,” Jesus offered. It’s all in the italics. If Jesus had said “one of them ,” it would have pulled Him down into our shame. Instead, He lifted us up into His glory. And so He became one of us. He lived our life, pain and limitations with us, and then had the connection He needed to pull us out of it. I’ve found myself knocking on a lot of doors these past few years. Introducing myself. Offering an apology, a request to pray together, a box of donuts, a grocery gift card. All to people I would have once considered a them , but through unexpected (and unasked-for) twists in my life path, I find myself one . This is where I choose to either look down on them as a beneath-me people group, or see them as created treasures on a difficult life path. This is where I choose to enter their shame or pull them up into my glory. The glory which is mine because Jesus pulled me up into His . This, my dear nieces and nephews, is the heart of The Gospel. And it will be the theme of our quarterly Camp Fire event this Sunday. “Winter Embers, A Beach Party” is a 6-hour sample of our summer camp. We’ll heat up the house, wear shorts and play beach games. Then we’ll worship till we encounter the Holy Spirit and let Him challenge and equip us to live the Great Commission. The teaching will be Rated G in content but not in Holy Spirit. Kids don’t need watered-down challenges. Their young hearts ache for the full-on opportunity to love and be loved. You can sign up for it using the following link if you’re Age 7 or up. (Yes, older is fine as long as you’re not offended by simplicity; we just might put you to work.) https://www.signupgenius.com/go/20F0548A8A72CABFE3-54544043-winter When I was little, my parents would lead us in singing the following song at our home church in Cambridge, and it has gripped my heart ever since. It begins with the Father asking this of Jesus: “Will you be poured out as wine upon the altar for Me? Will you be broken as bread to feed the hungry? Will you be so one with me that I may do just as I will … To make you light and love and life, my will fulfilled?” Jesus then responds: “Yes, I’ll be poured out as wine upon the altar for you. Yes, I’ll be broken as bread to feed the hungry. Yes, I’ll be so one with you that you may do just as you will To make me light and love and life, thy will fulfilled.” Then Jesus turns to us and asks us the same question His Father asked Him . And he gives us the chance to respond in kind. When I’ve said yes, it’s because I’ve had no idea what it was going to look like. Otherwise I wouldn’t have had the courage. But I’m glad. As much as I’ve disliked the process of becoming one of them, I’m grateful for how He’s used it to make me more like Him. Hope to see you Sunday! Aunt Michelle

The social worker called us about “Brianna” the same week our 19-month twins were returned to their mom. She was just shy of three years old and needed someone to adopt her. Her parents, Missy and Gerry, had just declared they would no longer work to get her back if they had to give up drinking. Then they disappeared. “I’ve never met anyone so resilient,” Karen, her second foster mom, said of Brianna as she introduced her to us. She told us how Missy and Gerry had strapped 14-month-old Brianna into their car at a bar in Middleton, then gone in to drink for several hours before someone discovered her and called the police. That’s when social services stepped in.