I Want To Be With You

April 19, 2025

Watching and Praying


Dear Nieces & Nephews,

Images of you have been filling my mind this morning. You’re going through so much. 

I want to be with you in it. But lives have put physical distance between us, along with the invisible barriers that come with full homes and schedules ... only to be crossed at special events and chance encounters at Costco. I sure do want this to change.

Being with each other really is a very big deal. It’s the substance of relationship.

Jesus wanted his disciples with him when he was entering his darkest hour. He brought them to Gethsemane with him.

When he told them he was overwhelmed with grief and sorrow to the point of death (pretty vulnerable), it’s remarkable that they fell asleep on him. It’s not like He had a victim mentality and talked that way all the time.

“I want someone with me in my pain,” is central to the human heart, and I believe mirrors God’s. Yet how often do we sleep through our loved ones’ pain? Or defend ourselves in it? Or analyze it? Or devalue it by trying to rationalize it away?

Yesterday was the portion of Resurrection Weekend that experiences Jesus’ pain with him, that watches and prays with him, that doesn’t try to explain anything away or fix anything, but just stays with Him. I'm going to give it another day.

What does that MEAN for me today, Lord?

What does it LOOK like?

Watch and pray for WHAT?

There are no soldiers for me to watch for.

Perhaps I am just to watch.

???

Why is this so hard?

I want to know what to watch for. And I want to know what to do when I see it. But you haven’t told me that yet. And if I try to prepare for it, I’ll bring along a sword and cut off someone’s ear, or something equally rash.

JUST WATCH.

AND PRAY.

AND BE WITH HIM.

Be with Him in His pain.

Be with my family members in their pain.

Don’t try to fix anything.

Don’t defend myself.

Don’t analyze it or assign blame.

JUST WATCH.

AND PRAY.

AND BE WITH THEM.

And remember.

I didn’t prepare for this at all, but I’m going to set up our kitchen island with the closest thing I have to bread and wine, and serve a day-long communion. I'm going to remember what my Savior did for me as I watch and pray, and invite Uncle Kerry and your cousins to do it with me.

And I'll be remembering YOU, my nieces and nephews. Maybe I can’t be with you, but I remember you. I am praying for you. And I am watching for any points of reconnection.

All my love,

Aunt Michelle
I Want To Be With You
By Michelle Hauge June 15, 2025
Dear Nieces & Nephews, I haven’t written in a while. It’s not because I’ve thought of you less, but because the thoughts haven’t been clear enough to express. So maybe it’s a time for asking questions instead. How are you? Is your summer ready to hit full-swing? Do you have plans for deep soul-rest mixed into your bucket list? Does this list reflect your heart’s desires, or just the “summer shoulds” that swirl around our culture? Or the demands of your people? Are you giving extravagantly to them, while still letting them exercise their “NO" muscles? Are you exercising your “NO" muscle? Speaking of which, here’s a question about me: Do I teach too much about grace, and not enough about consequences? Probably. I hope that where I have, God will bring balance. He promises to be our Teacher. So maybe I can take the pressure pedal off and realize I only carry a small piece of what He’s saying, and that’s OK. I’m not making or breaking anyone’s life. How about you? Are you putting too much pressure on yourself to be more than you are or to have more than is yours? If so, here are two wonderful terrible thoughts to remember: It’s not about me. ( Whew) I’m not God and am no one's savior. ( Double whew) Some of you have asked how you can help me through this season. I didn’t know until Shannon asked me at church this morning. Here’s my answer: Don't be afraid to look me in the eye. Tell me what’s happening in your life. Show me the world is bigger than the problem trying to block my view. Remind me that I’m still me, and tough things happening don’t change who I am. I'm still just plain ol' yours truly, Aunt Michelle
By Michelle Hauge May 2, 2025
Let God Handle The Heavy Stuff
By Michelle Hauge April 18, 2025
Dear Nieces & Nephews, We moms put a lot of thought into making sure our kids know enough. Especially when we’re homeschooling, it can become all-consuming. Everything runs through the filter of, “Do my kids need to know this?” or, “How can I help them understand that?” “Will they survive without knowing that thing they have no interest in?” becomes more prevalent as they get into their upper high school years. We know their bents and their battles and choose carefully. Frankly, we'd all do well to apply the same strategy. Maybe it’s time we slacken the line of fear over all we don’t know, and just embrace what life is teaching us in the moment. Especially the hard things. Go ahead and marinate. It’s a lot more effective than a thousand pings of slight recognition from a text book. Thaddeus and Kieran have taught me more about learning from the nitty gritty of life than anyone else. I used to call them our “Dopternal Twins” (twins through adoption). With just two months separating them, they became a formidable duo that took the world by storm the day they locked eyes in parallel play and discovered that combining forces could triple the noise and excitement. Synergy. For some reason, they decided early-on the same thing Uncle Terry used to tell me growing up: That everything I know is wrong. Until proven right. Or at least interesting. This made for an interesting dynamic in our homeschool. They learned to read standing on their heads off the back of the couch. Every subject was made as tangible as possible, and stories were woven into everything ... along with lots and lots of life. We began each day with FPT (Family Project Time), ran our home businesses together, and hosted streams of people and events. When the boys were in 5th Grade, we discovered the Madison Area Home Schoolers basketball team. The first time I saw them play on a team, I wept tears of relief as I saw the good that could come out of their dynamic synergy. Not only were they quick, intense and skillful, they also had the kind of connection that left onlookers breathless, passing the ball blind to each other with uncanny precision. Now they’re 18. Graduation is right around the corner. Life has taken a lot of turns and they’re on different paths. They are still learning some things academically, but mostly we are amazed at what life is teaching them. It’s slow and hard and painful, but so much more effective than books full of random facts. Whenever we see them embrace life, we rejoice. Three flat tires in a month? Wow, is he getting good at changing tires! A friend taking advantage of him? He's figuring out the balance of boundaries and forgiveness. Two parking tickets for the same infraction? (Turns out City of Madison and UW Madison parking enforcements have overlapping jurisdiction during state basketball tournaments.) A whole load of life going on in this one! You get the idea. Yes, life can be painful but it’s such a good teacher. I wonder what it’s teaching you today? Embrace it! Love, Aunt Michelle
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