I Don't Get To Do What I Want ...
BUT ...
Dear Nieces & Nephews,
Did you know that rules stimulate the desire to break them? It says so right in Romans 7:5. “For when we were controlled by the sinful nature, the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in our bodies, so that we bore fruit for death.”
Bingo.
The source of all my parenting woes!
The law. Rules.
What’s a parent to do? Get rid of rules?
“By no means!” to use Paul’s phrase.
Jesus didn’t come to get rid of the law, but to fulfill it. So if I’m to follow His parenting example, I don’t get RID of our rules, I fulfill them.
What?!
What in Heaven does THAT mean in the heat of battle?
I wish I could give a clear, concise answer, but all I have is hints that I’m collecting in a bucket. Do you care to join me? If not, skip the next twelve paragraphs and jump back in where I tell you Lexi’s inspiring story. This is what I've got in the bucket so far:
Rules, like “The Law” of the Old Testament, reveal the existence of naughtiness. Without them, we wouldn’t even know what's naughty. We need them. The problem is, as stated above, they also stimulate a desire to break them. Which leads to pain. (Keep reading Romans 7-8. It paints quite a picture.)
If God provided a way out of this pain with sacrifice born out of deep love (dying on the cross), maybe we can do the same for our kids. “This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you,” with natural consequences we neither rescue them from, nor remove ourselves from. We’re still there, with them as they suffer.
Yes, we suffer too. Ugh!
Maybe God-inspired deep-love-sacrifice releases our kids from the tyranny of forbidden-fruit-infatuation and sets them free to live in a new way, deeply rooted in connection instead of rules.
Eventually.
In a slow progression of their minds learning to choose Spirit ways over sinful nature ways. One small painful step at a time. While we parents have absolutely no control over which way they choose.
One of my dear ones stashed every forbidden candy box and wrapper ever collected in their dresser during my ongoing war against sugar in our home.
Some time later, I discovered this drawerful of brightly colored trophies and my emotions erupted in a collision of anger and laughter. It was clear which mindset was ruling in this young one. Unfortunately, love's connection and consequences were not enough to nip the problem in the bud, and down the road the preoccupation with forbidden candy turned to uglier things.
Remember the “Eventually.”
While we pray and wait for the freedom to come, Uncle Kerry and I keep pointing to the One who will prove Himself intensely good when sin’s draw proves itself intensely disappointing. And that might take a while. God is training our kids, and we're helping Him. I've messed up a lot as I've helped (Uncle Kerry can speak for himself), and that's probably slowed the "eventually" down, but I don't think it's nixed it.
Jesus tells the story of the Prodigal Son & Father as a one-time occurrence. His parables were like that: moment-in-time representations of ongoing life principles. We live prodigal stories almost daily around here, and they involve an ongoing dance of letting go and welcoming back. Of hands-off but hearts-on, then hands-on again.
Danny Silk, the parenting guru I want to be, has some great resources which help parents figure all this out, with hundreds of real-life examples and suggestions.
I got caught up in scrolling Facebook posts last night and came across Lexie’s about her boys’ love for each other. I was inspired! Her little Jeremiah was born with Radial Club Hand, and the family has been through so much, including surgery, to increase the functionality of his right arm and hand. This is what Lexie posted about Jeremiah and her older son, Daniel:
"They hold hands in the car sometimes. It was quiet on the way home from
church. Jeremiah fell asleep holding Daniel’s hand. Daniel quietly and very
seriously said, 'My life changed for the better and worse when Jeremiah was
born.' I held my breath and kept my cool, secretly nervous for what 'worse'
meant for him. 'Tell me more about that…' I said. With so much tenderness he
said, 'I don’t get to do what I want. But we get to play together.'"
Wow.
“I don’t get to do what I want. But we get to ________.”
That lead-in, dear Lexie, is an inspiration to parents everywhere. It should be the goal we all strive for. The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Taped as a prayer and reminder on all our bathroom mirrors, kitchen counters and dresser drawers. Spirit mindset triumphing over sinful nature mindset.
You are doing a sterling job raising your sons!
I want to be like you when I grow up.
Love,
Aunt Michelle
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